Merle Jack my Second Mother.

I told you, how much I love my father: Milton, I told you, how much my mother: Verina meant to me, I told you, of my undying love for my sisters especially: Clare and Charmaine, You know how much I love my son: Lique; he means the world to me and you know Janet Reno forever stole my heart.

There is another special and significant person in my live that falls into this group of people to whom I am and forever will be grateful and whom I love tremendously. That person I Merle Jack. Merle is a quiet and shy woman, who shuns public attention. I hope she will not be too embarrassed by this.

My relationship with Merle was a very complex one, it is not as straight forward as the many other relationship in my life; therefore, Merle's story is not as easy to write as the other stories; of my life.

Many people are of the impression, the unborn child, in whatever semester of pregnancy, their mother is in, is just a blank sheet, with no ability to hear, to see, to feel and to remember. As a result, they acts while pregnant and around a pregnant women, in any old manner.

I am here to disclaim, this school of thought; for a lot of what I am going to tell you here; are from my cognitive recollection from within my mother's womb ( of which I have many memories), from when I was a baby and from the period, to when I was three years old of there about.

Of course, when these events took place, I did not understand, what was happening, but I remembered the dialogs, I was exposed to and those things I saw. However, as I grew older, I learnt the language, as I grew in intelligence and experience; I was able to put the dialogs and other experiences into prospective.

In a similar manner to me remembering the things I heard while within my Mother's womb. My son Lique, had some similar experiences. He was able to communicate with me whilst he was in his mother's womb. This was such a special thing.

Merle came to live with us, in August of 1966, she was about 10 years old when she arrived at the Palmer's residence and became a part of our household and our family. I was still a fetus in my mother's womb. You may ask: how do know it was August. Well it will take too long to explain that.

I first became acquainted with Merle, about two weeks, before she became, a permanent part of our family. One evening after my father Hamilton locked up his place of business and came up stairs; to relax, this was the conversation between my parents.

Mother: "Milton, I am going to bring Merle to live with us."

Daddy: "What happened we don't have enough children, running around in this house; you want more and you are pregnant?"

At this stage of our family history, there were four minor children and two adults. The minors ranged from: four years to sixteen years old.

Mother: Yeah but mammy (Mother's mother and my grandmother) is getting old and Merle is becoming a young women, she need someone to teach her; the things she need to know.

Daddy: But Merle has a mother, it is Merle's mother responsibility to teach her those things not yours. And I am sure, you did not even tell Laris, you going to take Merle.

Mother: Laris will not mine.

Daddy: I know you and Laris are sisters but you just cannot take the woman's child from her mother and bring her to live with us. You don't know what Laris’, Plans for Merle are!

Unfortunately, I have never seen with my eyes, this type of cordial relationship, between my mother and my father. For somewhere along the time, things had broken down; to serious talk, about the children and other important things.

About a week later, a small conference was convened in the living room, of our home. There were small talk and laughter and then things got serious.

Mother: Laris, Mammy is old now and Merle is becoming a big girl, she need you to teach her the things a young woman need to learn from her mother.

Tanty Laris: Tan-tan, you think I don't know that. But you know my situation; and you know what happens with step fathers and their step-daughters. I am not saying, Steel is going to do Merle anything, Steel is a good man. But I cannot bring any temptation, in his way."

Tanty Laris continued: "Leslie and Garnet are boys and Leslie is big he takes care of his little brother. I cannot put Merle through that, I cannot take that chance.

Mother: "Well I am bringing Merle to live with us; because there are things she need to be taught, the things a young lady need to know. Things Mammy is too old to teach her. I spoke to Milton already, he said, I have to get your permission; because Merle is not my child."

Mother continued; "I told Milton you will not mind, so I am asking for your permission; to bring Merle to live with us. She and Charmaine are in the same age group; they will make a good pear."

Tanty Laris: "Tan-tan, I know you done make up your mind; on bring Merle to live with you. You have my permission."

On the ** Oct. 196* I was born, however, I was in great discomfort, I cried and I cried, but there were no relief to my discomfort. I did not know what time of day it was, but I was told I was born at Mid-night. As a result, for many years, the adults in my community, told me of my birth; they said: "boy you screamed so loud, you woke up the entire, Neighborhood." As some said to me many times: "You bawled for all who dead!"

However, when Mother found out, why I was crying, she dealt with the problem, then I settled down. I cannot discuss my discomfort in this article; I can remember all the dialog and the efforts to get me to quiet down. However that is for another time.

When my crying stopped, the other children began to come over a peep, into the room, where my father slept. By this time, our home were divided into two sleeping areas. The two large bedrooms on the eastern side of the house; were the girls bedrooms. Their Mother and the girls slept and there were three smaller rooms, on the western side of the house; were where the boys/men slept. Daddy and his three sons.

There were many faces that came peeped in the room to see the newly born Baby and they left. However, there was one that came, and stood in the corner of the doorway, she never left. She was darker than the others and she wore a pair of blue, bowed, ribbons in her hair. She stood there, looking on at everything.

I remembered clearly, she did not look like the other; she was darker than the others. I later leant, the others were my siblings. Merle was that one that never left, she always wore two blue ribbons bowed, in her hair. Before, I was able to recognized faces, I was able to recognized colors and I remembered those colors.

The main chore for the girls were washing the cooking and eating utensils, we had three formal meals each day and there were three, sent of wears washing to be done. Merle, did not care for washing wears. Merle only wanted to engage in anything to do with the baby.

I can hear it just like it was yesterday. Each time mother spoke of doing anything to or for the baby.

Mother: "O lord the baby wet, I have to change him."

Merle: Immediately before anyone can respond Merle beat them to it. You can hear this voice filled with excitement shouting" "Tanty let me do it."

Charmain: You often hear Charmaine complaining: "Mother I ask to do it."

Mother: "Yes Charmaine; but Merle asked first."

I think one of the lessons, Mother was trying to teach the other siblings was. Merle will not be treated any different than any other; she has the same rights as everyone else.

I could remember hearing and seeing Mother teaching Merle, how to change the diaper. She showed her, how to fold the diaper and the safety precautions, using her finger, to ensure the pins never stick the baby.

I did not see much of Merle in the morning, but every evening after she returned from school, the girl with the two bowed, blue ribbons in her hair; could be heard filled with excitement saying. "Tanty can I hold the baby."

When I was three years old, I was able to fully recognize faces and differentiate, between the individuals bases on their faces. At this stage of my life, the three most significant people, in my life were Mother, Merle and Daddy; in that order.

In my eyes, Merle was big but not as Big as Mother, I though she knew everything, I did not understand, she was just about thirteen years old and still a child. Then Merle stop wearing, her blue ribbons; she began to wear green ones. Merle was now a student at the Emmanuel High School and her ribbons, changed color to green. However, I was no longer relying on color recognition. I knew Merle better than all of my other siblings.

It was around this time Merle got the opportunity to go and live with her Mother and her other siblings. This was something Merle always wanted. Merle became a central figure in my life. as a result, this created a big problem for me. On the first day Merle was missing, I went to my mother and I asked for Merle.

Me. "Mother where is Merle?"

Mother: She gone to visit her Mother.

Me. "Mother when is she coming back?'

Mother: "Soon, she will be back soon"

Each time I had that conversation with my mother, after the conversation, Immediately; I went and sat in front of the veranda door, look up at Back Street, to ensure I saw when Merle returned. This happened about three or four times a day.

After a week, or there about, when my father close his business for the day and came upstairs for some rest and relaxation, this was what transpired.

Mother: Milton, Allan (P name), is still asking for Merle.

Milton (daddy): Don't worry about that, that is expected, after a few days he will forget her.

Mother: OK.

After a month of Merle's departure this was the conversation in the Rest and relaxation period.

Mother: Milton, Allan (P name) is not eating, Merle is the one who feeds him, and he is not even eating from me.

Milton (Daddy): Don't worry, let one of the other Children feed him, he will eat from their hand, as he did Merle's.

Mother: OK.

Mother tried to feed me. I refused to eat from my mother's hands. She have been lying to me, she told me, Merle is coming back soon and up to now, she is not back. I am not eating from her.

My big Brother tried to feed me, but I will not eat from him. When I saw him, all I saw, was the one who was always playing with his electronic toys and shouting at me; to stay away from his things. Nope! I not eating from you.

My Second brother tried to feed me: All I saw was the guy, who is always in the yard with his friend, lifting weights; after which, he's in the mirror flexing. Nope! I am not eating from him either.

The Nurse try to feed me. All I saw was the girl, who sits in the chair after her return from school reading, or on the living room floor writing letters, to her pen pals; friends she never met. Nope! I am not eating from her either.

Big sister try to feed me, all I saw, was the one who bossed everyone around. Nope! I am not eating from her either.

Charmaine; tried to feed me, all I saw was the girl who was always in fights, who mother was always pleading with, not to fight. Nope! I am not eating from her either.

The Last girl was never given an opportunity to.

After about a few days of me not eating: during rest and relaxations time;

Mother: Milton Allan (P name) is still not eating. He refused to eat from any of the children.

Milton (Daddy) don’t worry he will eat when he is really Hungry.

Mother: OK.

After a full week of not eating during the rest and relaxation period.

Mother: Milton it have been a full week and Allan (P name) have not eaten. If this continue he is going to get sick.

Milton: Mother, Laris is your sister, see if you can get Merle back.

A few days after that conversation, Merle was back. She was assured she has two homes, she can sleep in any of the homes she wanted to, at any time; especially on weekends, so she will not interrupt her school.

I don't know if Merle wanted to return, I doubt it. I guess the adults saw her return as a necessity and made her return. I never asked Merle; even now that I am grown; but I will be sure to asked her soon.

When Merle returned, life in the Palmer's home return to normal. Well let me say it this way. After Merle returned, life in the Palmer's household took on a new normal for me.

I guess my relationship with Merle put my other siblings to shame. Charmaine was determine to dethrone Merle, in my life. Now all of the other siblings, began to take me places and do things with me. However, when I return, it was me and my Merle.

The first week after Merle's returned, she took me with her, to spend a weekend, at her mother's home. Tanty Laris baked as she was accustomed to. She baked Butter-bread, Sweetbread, homemade cakes and because she was expecting Merle and I, she also made Redbelly slices.

While all of the deliciousness was in the oven, Tanty took Merle into the living room, where her youngest daughter Debbie and I were playing with some of her ornaments; to have a girls talk with her teenage daughter: Merle.

Tanty said to Merle, " That child really love you; even more then he love his mother. Look how long you were away, from him and he never forgot you. He has a very good memory, you have to be careful with what you do or say around him and the way you treats him; because he will never forget. Tanty also said some other things to Merle that is not your business. You are too fast. (Smile).

That very night Mr. Steel, decided to sleep on the couch; in the living room, so Debbie and I could sleep with Tanty Laris in their bedroom; while Merle sleep in the larger bedroom on one of the three beds with her other siblings. However and unfortunately, it did not worked out that way.

I looked at Merle as she prepared our bed, Merle was very particular and deliberate with the way she did the things she did. with every fold of the sheet and the way she lay them down. Every fold and the placement was done with great care.

My little mind traveled back, to a story, my mother told me, over and over; a story I knew by heart. The story of the birth of Jesus. As I looked at Merle, and the care with which, she took, in making up the bed for us to sleep, I said to myself. This was probably, how Mary made up Jesus' (Yahuwahshu) bed; when he was a baby.

I can also remembered clearly when Merle became a young woman, I though Merle was going to die. She vomited everywhere, the girl’s bed room was uninhabitable. Merle, bawled, she cried, she screamed. Merle was literally helpless; she could not walk, she could not do anything and everything she ate, came out on the floor.

Merle did such a good job with me. I never forget, how she take care of me. It was my time to make; a little deposit, into the life of the woman sorry, the girl, who have done so much for me. I was about six years old or there about. I got the mop and the mop bucket and to the best of my six years old ability; I cleaned up the mess she made in her illness.

I stayed with Merle and tried to make her feel better. I could remember, hearing my big sister saying: where is Allan (P name) Andrea replied, he is in the bedroom rubbing Merle's belly. I wanted to do anything, to ensure Merle felt better.

In my juvenile mind; I though Merle sickness, was a one-time thing, like the flu. Oooo No! Boy was I wrong! This happened every month, like clockwork; for three or four days straight each month. However, being a good student, Merle began to prepare for the coming of her cycle. Now my responsibility, was reduce to empting the sanitary receptacle, whenever Merle required me to.

Merle taught me many thing, She taught me how to Caroche, she taught me how to bake bread, and cakes each time Merle learnt a skill, she taught me how to do that skill.

Merle was one of, the principal teachers in my life. She taught me manners, kindness, unconditional love and respect. How can I thank the woman who have invest so much into your life while sacrificing her own?

Not to put anyone down, although they are not bad people, my siblings are very selfish people. I guess that is why, when Merle left, my angels said to me; we have to get Merle back and so we did.

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